Confessions of a Major "Risk" Taker

When it comes to sharing my faith... well, I don't really do it. I consider my faith a pretty private matter (which is why I'm usually a lurker and not a contributor on this blog). Evangelism isn't my gift. I don't really talk about Jesus - not due to any shame, but more because I worry that, if I bring it up, I won't be knowledgeable enough to take it anywhere - especially in my workplace, where I get the impression I'm in the minority when it comes to my beliefs.

When I was in college, I crossed paths with a girl who was seeking Jesus. She had a lot of questions. She wanted to talk, but I didn't really know what to say. She wanted to go to church, and I took her with me a couple of times, but I didn't follow up. As far as I know, the moment passed and her interest fizzled. She left school, we lost touch, and I don't know the rest of her story. That lost opportunity haunts me.

Earlier this week, I got an email from the women's ministry leader at our church here in Illinois, inviting me to a "mini-retreat." I haven't been involved in the women's ministry here at this church, but I'd heard good things about this particular program, so I considered going. On a whim, I considered asking the girl who sits next to me at work (for our purposes, we'll call her "B").

"B" is about my age. She's sweet tempered, considerate, kind, loyal - everything you'd want a friend to be. I don't know much about her life outside of work, but I haven't heard her talk about church or any other issues of faith, except to express a little curiosity about mine. I don't know if she grew up in the church. I don't know for sure whether she goes somewhere now. All I know is that, somewhere along the way, I got the impression she was a seeker - someone seeking to learn more about Jesus, whether she knows that's what she's doing or not.

I've thought about inviting "B" to things before. I belong to a small group, and I've thought about asking her to come to cookouts, a Super Bowl party, things like that. I haven't done it. My excuse: I don't want to be responsible for doing something that might "turn her off" to a life of Christian faith. Better to not be an ambassador at all than to be a BAD one. I didn't know enough. I wasn't worthy of mediating a meeting between her and Jesus.

But, on that particular day, with that particular email, I clicked "Forward." I typed one sentence: "I got this invitation and I thought of you; interested?"

There. I'd done it. I'd broken the ice. She would say no, and then I could invite her to something else later. The second time it wouldn't seem so weird. And then, maybe, five-six-seven invitations down the road, maybe she'd say yes. That's the process for something like this, right?

But.

She said yes.
She said, "That sounds awesome. I'd love to go."
She said, "I've never done anything like this before."

Yikes.

I spent the next couple of days second guessing myself. What if I invited her to the wrong thing? What if this program wasn't what she was expecting? What if she goes to this, decides it's not for her, and then stops "seeking"... that is, assuming she was ever seeking in the first place?

I arrived at the church 20 minutes before the program started, just to make sure I got there before she did. She got there 10 minutes early, ready to go and not sure what to expect. I didn't know what to expect either.

The program started, and it was NOT seeker level. It was honestly kind of heavy. There was a lot of, "I feel the Holy Spirit has put this on my heart..." and "I feel God has been telling me..." There were a lot of scripture references being thrown around. I started sweating. I wondered if "B" was getting freaked out. I wondered if she was uncomfortable, if she regretted coming.

Then, toward the end of the retreat, we had a half an hour of quiet time - lights off, soft music, prayer, laying on mats - rest. As part of this quiet time, the leaders of the retreat went around the room and prayed with each woman individually. I wanted to run over to "B" and tell her, "You don't have to do this if you don't want to!!" But I didn't.

When quiet time was over, the leader of the retreat apologized profusely - our retreat was supposed to be two hours, but she'd lost track of time and gone WAY over. I knew "B" had somewhere else she was supposed to be, so again, I felt that sinking feeling that EVERYTHING had gone wrong.

"B" sat up, looked at me, and said, "Seriously! We've been here THREE hours? That went SO fast!"

She was smiling. She asked me to sign her up for the next installment in two weeks, and then she bolted out the door to go to her next appointment.

And then I laughed. I was exhausted from worrying, and the truth is:
It NEVER had anything to do with me.

Anticipation...

I haven't posted a devotion before... let's see how this goes.

Sometimes I feel like things are stagnant, like every day is the same. On days like that, I feel frustrated and impatient. I have a very good life, a good job, a great family - but sometimes I feel as though I need a change. I hope and I pray and I wait - and nothing seems to happen. Through several attempts at describing this phenomenon to my husband, here is what I've come up with.

A few years ago, every night at some point during his show, David Letterman would pull out a spiral bound notebook and write something to the effect of, "July 30th, 2010. Dear Diary: Today I did not hear from Oprah." And then he would close the notebook and put it away without another word.

Now, I live in Chicagoland. I've never been an Oprah watcher, but I have heard of her power. Second City says that Oprah can part the expressways the way Moses parted the Red Sea. My afternoon radio guy refers to her as "The Pope-rah." And Oprah was giving Mr. Letterman the silent treatment. Sometimes I feel that frustration, and on days like that, when my husband asks me how my day went, I reply, "I didn't hear from Oprah." He knows what I mean: Nothing bad happened, but I had been hoping for something better. Blah.

Well, eventually, David did hear from Oprah, and I'm sure they lived happily ever after. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm building the habit of reminding myself, "Today could be the day." And since I've started doing that, I start my day excited. Maybe I end my day saying, "I still didn't hear from Oprah"... but that doesn't mean that I won't tomorrow.

We begin each day with no idea what might happen - and I've forgotten how exciting that can be. Today could be the day someone finally gets a call about that job; or, it could be the day someone's kid finally gets out of diapers; or, it could be the day someone finally gets an offer on the house they've been trying to sell; or, something completely unexpected might happen. You could get a big win today - isn't that worth getting out of bed for?

When I started writing this, I intended this "devotion" to be about patience - I've been struggling, waiting for "Oprah's call" lately. But I remembered one of my college pastors once said, "Unwrap each day with the veracity of a six-year-old on Christmas morning." How many of us do that? So, I guess this message is really about anticipation and joy in waiting for God's perfect timing - and appreciating the little victories in between.

I never quite found the right verse for this message (open for suggestions) - but for now, let's try this one - it's the one my college pastor used in his sermon on living life to the fullest:

'But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in its wings. And you will go out and leap like calves released from the stall.' --Malachi 4:2

And please, if you get a win, share with the rest of us in the comments! It could be contagious...